| so.. |
[02 Jan 2009|06:19pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
love me or leave me- Nina Simone |
] |
I want to move.
|
|
| Nocturnes, Presumption and Kansas in E flat. |
[28 Dec 2008|01:30am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relaxed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
is it not obvious? |
] |
Nocturne No. 2 in E Flat. Finding its path to my night ironic, I sit to write. I seldom write about the facets of my inner symphony on the computer. No. Inky black pens, blank notebook pages, and public places suit me just fine for private paragraphs...BUT, here I am. In my room. In fact, this is a "real" room in a building that actually feels like home to me (situated in a town that certainly does not, and yet argues that point of contention with me every time I venture into St. Pete public).
This song has had its hold on me for years. I can still remember the first time I heard it, painting in my last house in Gainesville. I can see a dark grey/green (can you smell the irony yet?) paint covering a canvas that would later turn into a terribly humble piece resembling a rib cage. Tonight's story is slightly different. My plans for tonight involved staying in to read and listen to Claudio Arrau's album of Chopin's complete nocturnes and impromptus. I got a hankering and decided to sit down with a glass of Pinot Noir (appropriate) and the next few episodes of a show someone with green/grey eyes let me in on. This song's part in the episode I just finished was considerable, and could be what turned my night of reading into a night of painting with my brother and writing in one of my favorite writing spots, alone.
Is this messy document the nocturne's fault or his? Not mine, that's for sure. I will try to use that "fact" to avoid feeling like a bashful dancer underneath an extravagant yet skittish magnifying glass after posting this.
Let's go second-person, here, for grammar and clarity's sake.
There is another nagging irony here-- how is it that you are the one with colder feet, after some of the things that I've been through with other members of the "male" club? Congratulations on turning those "things" into reasons for me to feel self-conscious around you sometimes, rather than more cautious. That is a masterpiece. Though, I'm not entirely sure we can't just chalk that up to differing personalities, degrees of open arms or (to be objective here) prudence. How have you managed your way "in"? How is it you made me smile three times today NOT including the smirks inspired by your texts while I was out perusing second hand books. I am almost as impressed by that as I am by this song. I am normally a tougher cookie to crack.
I hope your thermal shirt is keeping you warm, and that memories I <i>may</i> have something to do with are lending a helping hand when they can (¿cuando lo permites?).
|
|
| december exists :: life moves forward |
[18 Dec 2008|03:11pm] |
erosion
protection
persuasion
elation
exclamation
complication
question
erosion
protection
persuasion
elation
exclamation
complication
question...
erosion.
but..
it's a hollow love, for a heart with no blood...
and flying my flag at half mast is not my style.
|
|
|
[23 Oct 2008|12:30pm] |
I am tired of getting excited about things/situations/people
and having people passive aggressively pop my balloon.
|
|
|
[10 Oct 2008|11:58pm] |
he has...
bartleby.
STFU!
no way
ok
we are going to spain tonight.
bring dark clothing. and body armor
|
|
|
[03 Oct 2008|08:45am] |
|
01000101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01110111 01100001 01101110 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01100101 00100000 01100001 01100010 01101111 01110101 01110100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00101110 00100000 01000111 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110110 01100101 01101010 01101111 01110101 01110010 01101110 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01110111 01110010 01101001 01110100 01110100 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101010 01101111 01110101 01110010 01101110 01100001 01101100 00101100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100101 01111000 01110100 01110010 01100101 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100100 01110010 01100001 01110111 01101110 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01100001 01110100 01110010 01101001 01100011 01100001 01101100 00100000 01100001 01110100 01110100 01100101 01101101 01110000 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101110 01110110 01101001 01101110 01100011 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101110 00100111 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100110 01100001 01101001 01101100 01100101 01100100 00101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101100 01110111 01100001 01111001 01110011 00100000 01110011 01100001 01101001 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01101110 01100100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01100111 01101001 01100011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110000 01101111 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101100 01100101 01110011 01110011 00101101 00101101 00100000 01101111 01101000 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01110100 01110010 01110101 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01101100 01101111 01100111 01101001 01100011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110011 01101111 01101101 01100101 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01100010 01110011 01101111 01101100 01110101 01110100 01100101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101111 01110111 00100000 01110111 01101001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 00111111
|
|
| home is where the heart is... |
[27 Sep 2008|06:04pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
decided |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jeff Buckley |
] |
...I was just temporarily confused about what my "heart" is.
Every day I'm feeling more excited to get back to that feeling, place, warmth. It has been a cold/strange year, save the moments I've been with you. I am almost ready to healthily bear a transatlantic flight. (!!)
|
|
|
[24 Sep 2008|01:34pm] |
Well, I'm separated. Everyone's reaction so far has been, "already??", but honestly I can say that I had absolutely no control over it, nor any idea that it was coming. I have done everything I can, and am left shocked at humanity once again. Why should I be? Things like this happen to people everyday, by the looks of it. I have no control-- and am shocked by his "therapists" who tell him (without ever having met me, talked to me, seen anything I've written, or heard anything I've said) that trying to forget about me is the right/less painful thing to do in the long term. Why did he marry me in the first place? Twice? Very, very strange.
I am currently taking refuge in England, with a friend who promised my father he wouldn't let me go home without a place to live or until I stopped going to bed/waking up crying every day (pathetic crap, I know).
I have great friends and family-- filling in the "where to live," "what to do" stuff should be easy with such great support.
I applied for a position in Mexico, and one in St. Pete as a community organizer (eat that foxnews).
Life v2.0
what do I want to do with it?
|
|
| chchchchchanges... |
[25 Aug 2008|03:30pm] |
(-)
-my father has been diagnosed with stage 4 renal carcinoma ('last" stage of kidney cancer)
-my family is in upheaval because of this occurring at the same time my father is training his successor and my brother is starting anew after coming home to heal
-Pau and I will be going home separately because I wanted to spend a few more weeks here with my father
(+)
-I get to spend two more weeks here with my family
-I am officially married!
-we had an amazing honeymoon:
|
|
| luckiest chic@ on the planet |
[14 Jun 2008|01:46pm] |
I'm marrying chikilin cutre!
Pau was contracted to be chikilicuatre in front of about 2,000 children/teens-- among them my students. Video to follow, most likely.
|
|
| something different about getting into an accident with someone you wake up with every morning. |
[12 May 2008|12:07pm] |
Pau and I got into a car accident last night...without any injuries or actual crashes.
The car, going about 40miles per hour, hydroplaned and spun out of control for a good 75 meters. It is a miracle that we didn't head into oncoming traffic or fall into the ocean.
It was the most scared I have ever been in my life. Pau told me I kept repeating "please no." I just remember holding his leg with my palm and thinking that it could have been the end of "us."
Thank god there were no other cars on the "highway."
Thank god B wasn't in the car.
Nothing like a good old fashioned shake up to remind you how fucking grateful you are for the beautiful people and relationships in your life....not to mention that you have your limbs. What would Pau do if he lost a leg? was in a wheelchair? all of his dancing...acrobatics...
man.
the pity party has officially come to an end.
|
|
| wah wah wah wah pityparty5000 |
[09 May 2008|12:36pm] |
I feel embarrassed to admit how miserable I am right now.
Partly, because I don't want anyone to think it's because I'm in Spain, or that there are problems with Pau. That's not the case. I think I'm probably going through the normal process of someone trying to start a life in another country who already has a partner.
Every time I have time to myself I feel relieved...but...have nothing to do and no one to hang out with so I get sad.
I end up cleaning...cleaning things that the other person who lives here will just mess up and leave messy tomorrow.
I end up cooking....cooking things for someone who never has time to make a meal for me.
It makes me sad.
I have friends...with kids...and no time.
Remind me not to have kids.
I have Bartleby, but mostly I just end up feeling sorry that he has to live in this apartment, in this city...without understanding why.
I talk to my mom, but it's sad that I can't see her.
I'm beginning to give up.
It's hard to have a bad week, with an exhausted partner who can't spend time with you..and who is so buusy it's making his head hurt....and arrive at a weekend to be filled with activities for your partner's birthday, and his school. I feel like I don't fucking exist and like at the same time I'm an asshole for not knowing how to make Pau's life less stressful. On top of that, I'm not very good at making friends. Everyone I meet seems to already have a family and friends. I don't seem to fit in anyhere.
|
|
| The joys of teaching an advanced EFL class |
[16 Apr 2008|12:26pm] |
|
I came in, wrote, "If it's not love then it's the bomb that will keep us together" on the board.
The whole class came from analyzing the language, meaning, and context of this quote.
Two students knew the source immediately.
One could sing the song it came from in perfect English. without missing a word.
|
|
|
[31 Mar 2008|10:52am] |
We are looking for places to stay in San Francisco, Portland, Eugene, Santa Rosa, and in the Redwoods...halfway between San Francisco and Eugene.
This road trip is going to be awesome.
Start in San Francisco, stay three days, drive south (hotel?)
Stay in the hotel where my dad's parents honeymooned- Carmel (1 night)
Stay in Big Sur - two nights
Drive back up to San Fran/Santa Rosa (hotel?)
Drive to the Farm Sanctuary
Drive down and around and head through the redwoods
Stay in Eureka (hotel?)
Drive up to Eugene stay 1-2 nights (?)
Drive to portland, stay two nights (hostel/hotel/b and b/guesthouse?)
fly home (august 18th)
any suggestions would be awesome!!
|
|
|
[17 Mar 2008|12:14pm] |
I saw some of the pictures from the party the other day.
man are we a cute couple.
serious stuff....will post later when I get copies.
also, I now have access to a dryer...IN MY HOME.
Using it almost gave me an orgasm. Our clothing is....dare I say....clean???? Before it took 4 days to clean and dry clothing, which we never had to wait on integral things like pants, underwear, shirts...we really don't have that many items of clothing here. We washed (that alone takes 3 hours) our clothing and....it's already dry. I have a clean shirt on today. Insanity.
and...for those of you following the war I am currently fighting with our shower (and losing)....we are getting a new shower over easter...(well a new shower head and doors. That way, the bathroom won't flood and I wont get electrocuted every time I have a shower. Also, the water wont come out like in a little dribble...half of the water wasted anyways because it leaks out of the side of the hose. (YES, HOSE).
As for those of you who are concerned we will use more water now that we'll be showering more than once a week...I wouldn't worry. Ask my mom. She's got a great shower that I manage to use about twice a week.
feeling guilty and snobby for feeling this way about showering and washing clothing...
but hey, what can you do. At least I'm 1000000% grateful. At least I don't eat cheese. hahaha. kidddinnnnggg...kind of.
|
|
|
[10 Mar 2008|11:45pm] |
|
Kayla Rodd please send me your address! I miss your guts! Wedding save the date stuff to follow, promise.
|
|
|
[07 Mar 2008|02:44pm] |
i AM SO EXCITED!!!
I'm going home in a few weeks...to the HEAT!!!
and tomorrow, even though I'M GOING TO FREEZE in the dress I'm going to wear...the party should be fun. I hope I don't cry at whatever pau's going to say when the mayor asks him why he chooses me as a partner. I hope they don't ask me any really difficult questions, like when Pau's communion was, etc. ack.
We are staying in this hotel tomorrow night:
http://www.canreushotel.com/
which was a nice surprise. I need it right now...our shower is broken, I have the flu (I think), and I've had a migraine for over 24 hours.
Also
thinking about our "honeymoon" and hence dreamsummer has got me feeling pretty optimistic.
We would really love to go to :
Big Sur, California...drive up through Monterey to San Fransisco.
Later, fly from San Fransisco (closest airport) to portland. Stay in portland for a while, and then drive and stay in Eugene until flying home (or the other way around). Sounds perfect for us, a little bit of urban, a little bit of rural, etc. I'm excited to see parts of America that seem...dare I say...beautiful? That have mountains? lots of liberal folk? I've never experienced that before.
Those are the cities that interest us most-- and I think it's fair to say I need to see the part of America that actually interests me so that when we move back I'll actually....be excited about our town. Mallorca is pretty amazing....I doubt I'm going to want to move back unless it's somewhere that has got mountains. I'm a convert!!!!
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
punkisdead's journal
